Sinful Sunday- Money for Sex Part III (Shitty Personal Ads)

Ok, so it's only going to be Sunday for a few more minutes, but it's a holiday weekend, so give me a break.

After years of mental notation, I now present, "How shitty is your personal ad?" This is a completely unvalidated (or perhaps invalidated) measure using a points system. Start with an arbitrary number and then subtract using the guidelines below. Or in simple terms, avoid ANY of the following:

Photos
-5 (wIth the exception if any of the following backgrounds are fundamental to your personality) for any of the following: fancy car, boat, motorcycle, pet, someone else's kid.
-5 group photo at a bar
-10 picture with another person cut away
-20 anything hiding the face: sunglasses, helmet, gas mask
-30 picture taken by oneself using a mirror
-30 general slutty or raunchiness
-30 no shirt or way too much skin unless suitable to context (e.g. you are surfing)
-50 driver's license photo

I am special, just like everyone else...
-5 for each of these favorite past times: quiet time, eating out, quiet sunday afternoons, I like to do all kinds of different things, like to hang out and have fun, night on the town
-5 for each item stating the obvious: I'm searching for that special someone. I'd rather date someone attractive.
-5 for any meta-commentary: I don't know what to write, I thought I'd give this a try, My friend made me do this, You can't fit my personality in a box, Thanks for reading my profile.
-15 "Tired of the bar scene"
-30 for lots of commentary about their philosophy of relationships: "Communication, chemistry and caring, my patented 'three C's' of love are the cornerstone of any relationship"
-50 very little information or lots of words that say nothing.

Self help books really work!
-5 for any self-descriptions that can't possibly be as common as personal ads would lead you to believe: I live life to its fullest, I treasure the preciousness of life, I always look on the bright side, I take life as it comes, I am always trying to better myself.

I want to sound romantic so I will consult love song compilation album covers...
-5 each for: walks on the beach, fireplaces, dinner by candle light (I have no memory of anyone saying they would clean my kitchen and cook dinner for me while I take a nap. Much more appealing than any of those other things)
10 points off for mention of chivalry any other words that provoke thoughts of Medieval times: king, queen, knight, prince charming, princess, maiden, the plague.

I have a hard time at the grocery store, too...
-5 for any equivocal, bet hedging statement: I like formal and casual clothes, I like to party but also romantic dinners alone, I love drinking, but only once a year.
-5 I like all music (extra -5 for I like all music but country and rap.)
-15 for saying you don't know what you want, but you'll know it when you see it.

I was bored and made a profile for no reason...
-10 Very funny and creative profile that says absolutely nothing about you. I once saw one that was just a short story and nothing else. No, I did not read the whole thing.
-15 You really want to find that special someone but you are inaccessible- "I'm a resident in surgery and only have one night off every two weeks. I volunteer for the homeless on that one night. I'm only available by pager and I live with the Amish. BTW I'm moving in 3 months and I'm afraid of traveling over bridges."

Give and take...
-5 excessive talk of fine dining, expensive hobbies, and travels extra 5 points off if your income/job makes that seem like you must be running a drug ring on the side to afford it.
-10 women looking for a man who is, "goal-oriented"
-20 requests to or to be, "spoiled" or pampered

I see a great future between us...
-15 for any indication you want someone to help babysit.
-15 for using a 2nd person tense: You are this you are that and you want this.
-15 points for mentioning pets or kids in a threatening way- "If you don't like them, I'll dump you! Don't even think about it, you'll always be #2!"
-20 for strong statement of expectations: I plan to get married and have babies within 5 years. Then I want a house. I will live in the city in a condo by the lake with red carpet.
-30 for anything that makes a woman feel like a walking womb or a man like a sperm donor.

On the rebound...
-10 for asking for or offering the painfully obvious- honesty, no games, no drama,
-5 for the slightly more forgivable: loving, caring, smart, fun (only those exact words)
-25 each: reference to ex, resentment towards past relationships, reference to not wanting liars, cheaters, or any other misc. bitterness.

Just icky...
-20 for any mention of gross things you wouldn't talk about with strangers- toe nail clippings, back rubs, fetishes, ad as means to infidelity (and yes, I have received mail directly asking me to help a man cheat on his wife while he is out of town. He has a picture on his profile.)

Where is that needle in a haystack picture again?

Girls in bikinis, oh, and a hilarious video, "Boycott Bill Maher"

A group called Rapture Right is promoting a "boycott" of Bill Maher's movie Religulous, a documentary critical of religion. (See Religulous trailer at end of post.) I actually recommend watching Part II (below) first. It is much shorter and funnier.

The goal of this boycott is unclear. At one point they speak of "banning" it internationally. In part two, the mention the idea of jailing Bill Maher without necessarily endorsing that idea. Whatever their point is, the first, less hilarious video is filled with such idiotic comments including:

• A deconstruction the production company's name, Lion's Gate. The say the name and icon imply that gates are opening to release the lions to prey upon the innocent.
• A comment that the movie is produced by the producer of Borat. They state Borat is a man who came to this country and is very anti-Jew, thus the producer is already anti-religion. Even if they did watch Borat, it is clearly over their heads.
• A clarification that many of Maher's clips are not even of Christians, that many of them are of other "fake" "weird" religions. "Yeah, obviously Christianity is the one true religion." says the long-haired religious nut. They continue to say Maher's movie is anti-Christian when it is really anti-religion. All religions. Their error demonstrates that the idea that Christianity is in the same category as "fake" and "weird" religions makes their heads explode.
• A claim that things spoken in tongues can be deciphered by Christians. Yes, they say this definitively and with a straight face.
• Speculation that if the world were filled with Jesus that instead of an overpopulation problem, there would be an "over love" problem. "If they could extract DNA from the shroud of Turin, they should start cloning Jesus."
• Assumption that because Bill Maher went into a gay bar and spoke with gays he must be gay.
• An analogy between Santa Claus and Jesus; Santa Claus could exist by giving presents through the parents.

Trevor Christian plays the rebellious activist in Part II of Boycott Bill Maher, "Beat on the Street." It starts out with the profound statement, "People say that change happens at a grass roots level... but below grass roots level, there's roots roots level and we're going to go around talking to those roots roots people." With a lot of heavy graphics, visual and sound effects, Trevor talks to the "roots roots people," including a lady sitting in her pick-up truck who couldn't care less, a Catholic who storms off, and a man who says that until you hear God speak to you, you'd probably think he's just imaginary. (Couldn't agree more.) The video ends with a lengthy trailer with soft emotional music and dramatic slow motion replays of some of those great moments of Beat on the Street none of us wants to remember, whoops, I meant forget.



And now for the girls in bikinis...

'In a new twist on an age old debate, two young nubile women in string bikinis fight poolside about the existence of God in a new video.

As Wagner plays, the camera seductively pans across their bodies as they fight in slow motion about whether God is great... "Too bad all atheist-theist debates aren't this entertaining," says one reviewer.

"Not just theology, this is how all debates should be," adds another.'

More...





Bill Maher's Religulous trailer

Foolish Atheists

I'm so happy that the first time I've heard anything about a local atheist group in the Cleveland news, that it's something that makes us look bad. (Be sure to watch the video as well.)

Student organizations at Lorain County Community College are trying to recruit new members this week. But scores of students are livid about a poster put up by a group called "campus activists for atheism."

It contains a depiction of Jesus Christ many consider blasphemy. The poster shows a man kissing christ-like figure with the words "Jesus Christ had a homosexual relationship?"

Of course I support free speech, especially at a publicly funded school, but that doesn't mean I or anyone else has to agree what is said. Additionally, I don't think atheists should have to tip toe around religion for fear of offending someone, but it may sometimes be wise to be mindful of one's approach when broaching the topic of religion with a believer.

In this instance, the group seems to be going out of their way to stir up negative attention causing more harm than good. If the atheist group hopes to win over some believers, this is counterproductive. Aggressive tactics just promote an us vs. them attitude causing people to become even more resistant. It shuts down what little dialog there already was. But who cares about the big picture when you can stir up a little controversy and high five your buddies when you see everyone riled up and the news vans pulling around to talk to you? Who cares if this is at the price of causing public opinion of atheists to sink even lower?

Thank you all for giving believers an excuse to think poorly of us so you can all bask in the ego massaging rays of a little attention.


Funny, I was just listening to a podcast (mp3) (video below) on The Atheist Experience about foolish atheists who make the rest of us look bad.

Sinful Sunday- Money for Sex Part II

Am I a bad date? I understand a comment I got about part one of Money for Sex, that I can get sex for free. I responded, if I can't find someone I like I'll stick with someone I love, in the sense of Woody Allen's famous line.

So I sort of continue, but I am starting to think I not only dislike my chosen course of action, but that I suck at it as well.

Guess which of the following points of discussion have occurred on dates I've been on (and by dates, I mean those get to know you meetings you have with people you just met).

15 were brought up by me 5 by the other person and 3 not at all and I will post answers later:

1. ex-significant other
2. person currently one infatuated with who is *not* on the date
3. psychiatric history and medications
4. illegal drug use
5. specifically, personal experience of tripping on mushrooms
6. Ayn Rand
7. pro-libertarianism
8. pets dying
9. family members recently dying
10. cancer
11. religion
12. confusion between one person's online profile and that of the person you are with
13. abortion
14. what if we got married?
15. how Bill Mahr likes to show off his package in his jeans
16. various frank and possibly insulting comments
17. I have a blog but won't tell you what it is
18. I know the perfect way to kill someone (ok, this was from dinner with a friend that I was very attracted to, and not really a "date.")
19. sexual bondage, domination and masochism
20. farting
21. "You look old!"
22. "I don't think I'm pregnant."
23. The cleanliness of women's genitals

Now none of these things bother me at all and didn't necessarily bother the other person, but you can see I have no sense of the conventional wisdom, which makes me either a terrible dater, or an incredibly awesome one for those seeking someone who doesn't know the rules and couldn't obey them if she did.

Either way, I don't understand dating. There is script a that you meet someone you barely know, and in the course of an hour or so feel comfortable and attracted enough to want to kiss them good-bye. Even a hug seems a bit oddly sentimental for someone you just met. It's the end of a date not your brother going off to war.

Ok, so I hate "dating." I have even cried on at least one (actually more, but if they didn't see me, it doesn't count). My friend says a date is bad when someone cries, but I beg to differ, it may just be par for the course for me.

Even an atheist would find the miracle in a pregnant woman dying

Thank you Mr. Daly for speaking for me.

The article starts, "Even and atheist would say some sort of higher power was at work..." and then describes a crowd of strangers who came together to lift a school bus off of a pregnant woman. And even a Jew would say Jesus were at work. Apparently Mr. Daly has conducted an atheist opinion poll, or is just an insensitive ass chomping at the bit to take a swipe at atheists. Here we have the classic, flip side of the "no atheists in foxholes," cliche.

"From where?" the local man speculates about the origin of the ability of these people to all come together in an act of compassion. "We all know where, but we don't always speak of it." From the set up of this article, the quote implies that the man on the street is referring to God, but the rest of the quote casts ambiguity upon that conclusion; " Goodness, goodness and love." Goodness and love, two characteristics of human beings at their best, no higher power required, but sold separately to those convinced they need it.

This story appears to be the typical, "something bad happened, then people worked really hard and something good happened, sha-zam, a miracle occurred story but it's not.

First the rescue of the mother is not the actual miracle. She died! The actual miracle is that hard-working and skilled medical professionals saved the unborn baby, just like another baby of a killed pregnant woman had been saved 14 years ago. Is it really unusual for a baby to be rescued from a critically injured woman late in her pregnancy?

What an insult to the people who tried to rescue this woman and to the doctors who saved the baby. They deserve the credit. It's no "miracle" that the average person would be decent enough to help lift a bus off a pregnant woman. That is, unless you really think mankind is fundamentally evil, as many religious traditions do. (Or that you can't expect people in on "this corner" to be decent people.) As one of the commenters said, "No Mr. Daly, an atheist like me would say that someone's mom wouldn't end up under a bus, if a God ruled over the planet."

ETA- Read this article that argues how lucky this baby is because he wasn't one of the millions of babies whose mother isn't crushed to death by a bus before it was even born.

Slap That Ass!

I have long disparaged personal displays of affection, perhaps because I always understood the point of view of the observer much better than the point of view of the observed. When you are heartbroken, lonely or just suffering the ill effects of bad spicy food, they are everywhere. And I have very little experience actually wantonly engaging in them myself, but I have been known to hold hands and enjoy it, if I really had to. :)

My excuses have always been that affection is a private thing and that other people don't want to see that shit. Perhaps the real reason really was I just wasn't inspired by the people I was with.

I recently asked my friends what they think about PDAs. One friend said she initially wasn't sure she liked them, but she grew to like them with her husband. Another friend said, and I paraphrase, "When two people feel deeply enough to want to express their affection to the world, well that takes precedence over the mild discomfort of the few." I asked him for a direct quote for this blog and got, "She doesn't have your wallet. Get your hand out of her pocket, you giant ass." (but yes, he approved my paraphrasing.) Myself, I have barely budged on the issue, although one man convinced me to hold hands fairly regularly, until that one day when he wanted me holding one hand while his mother held his other. I gave it the old college try, but no deal.

What does this photo I took have to do with this post? Absolutely nothing. Think of a metaphor, I've got nothing.

I think of times in the long ago past when I engaged in PDA those times when I refused. I remember refusing in response to underlying self-consciousness but also an utter lack of motivation to do so. In those cases in which I was caught up in a true PDA, the self-consciousness melted away, replaced by the overwhelming motivation which seemed to side-circuit any conscious, decision-making part of the brain who would typically shake its prudish aged finger and say, "you know, you probably shouldn't do that!"

PDAs shouldn't be convinced, they are an act of complete spontaneity in which you lose part of your surroundings in surrender to who is right there, with you. One has to be inspired, or overwhelmed to let this shift in perception take place. The annoying people, the angry traffic, the panhandler with his dick hanging out all fade to the penumbra leaving only the object of one's affection and its blinding gravitational pull.

In short, the right person will put even the most reserved into an altered state of consciousness. (Hopefully in multiple contexts ;) )

Sinful Sunday- Money for Sex

I've used online personals off and on for years met a lot of people that way, but it is very time consuming and frustrating. A friend of mine met at least a few good friends that way, and I had a 2.5 year relationship with someone I met through paid personals.

I am generally disappointed when I browse through these sites since I have pretty particular tastes. Additionally, chemistry is something you just can't judge at all through a profile or brief email. I could be passing up a passionate relationship with someone who can't write a good profile, or love a profile and sit through an hour or more of dull conversation and interaction as inert as a noble gas.

But now, after a brief hiatus, I am looking again. I have one profile on a free site, and the other on a pay site. I have not taken the plunge to pay for the pay site.

What does this mean? A friend of mine says the pay sites are set up to prevent people from meeting. There are people who pay, and people who don't. Both can post profiles and search profiles. But only those who pay can write emails, and on some, like the one I am using, only those who pay can even read those they receive. Here's the catch... you don't know if someone is a paying member or not. So you may pay to write some awesome guy and he will never write back. In fact, he may never be able to read your note at all. How discouraging is that? Lastly, although most sites give an estimate of how long since a person last logged in, these sites can contain profiles from people inactive for years. I recently logged into the site where I met a former boyfriend, and of those people within 10 miles of me, 80% were ones I remembered from over a year ago, but only said, "Last active over three months ago." Some of these people may be married with children by now. Lastly, Match.com and Yahoo! personals were sued for trying to get people to re-subscribe by having employees send fake emails of interest, and in some cases, going on actual fake dates!

In their defense, most sites have something called a "wink," "ice breaker," "woo," or "ass grab." Non-paying members can use these to see if someone will grab their ass in return, thus knowing if they are interested. But they still cannot tell if the other person is paying or interested enough to start paying.

I have had my profile up on the pay site for less than 24 hours. I have 52 views, 5 winks, and two emails. All I can see is who winked. Of the 5, 3 are Catholic (to me Catholic is Catholic, if you don't believe, don't call yourself one), one goes on and on about he is a dream man looking for someone who can make him be, "the superman (he) truly (is)," and one has a picture of himself with whom looks like his mother.

On the free site, I can read the mail. And that has its own problems. I had a fundamentalist Christian try to IM me twice and write me, seemingly interested. I responded, "Thank you for the compliment. You are aware we have some important differences? Right???Just wondering why you wrote." On the other hand, I have received several quality messages from appropriate men.

It's also typical to receive many, "I like your profile, look at mine" type mails. These usually lead to the profile equivalent of a resume that says, "I need job. I meet qualifications. Please call if you want to know more." Seriously. EVERYONE is looking for the special someone and likes to, "hang out."

But the best of all are what my friend calls, "ctrl+v, send." They are often long, gushy, romantic, go on and on, and at the end, you realize they never read your profile. I deleted all of those, or I'd do my own ctrl+v.

I know of at least 4 married couples who met on paid personals sites, all after only a few months of trying. Is there a snowball's chance in hell I could find someone I really like in so short of time?

In short, should I pay for sex?

ETA- I did it. I got mail from a super cool person, and I choked.

I Can Feel It!- De-baptismal

This is a bit late, but I was recently de-baptized! The high priests assured me, and that because I was never baptized to begin with this one is preventive or "prophylactic," as they put it. I blindly take their word for it.

The prophylactic effects could be felt deep inside.

The Omnipresent Atheists based in Columbus, Ohio hosted an Atheist Coming Out party. It was a big pot luck in a park setting, with beautiful weather, and even a few "protesters" holding signs about how letting God in our lives would help us or something. I actually listened to one of them having interesting and respectful conversations with several atheists. He let his young 7-8 year old son attempt to debate with several adult atheists all at once, which I respect.

The de-baptism was complete with robes, a staff, and a lot of Latin sounding mumbo jumbo. Ed Kagin was the hilarious Master of Ceremonies. Almost everyone in the hall enthusiastically waited for their turn to have their baptism blow dried away. Here is a great video of a small child (obviously participating against her will :) ) as reported on the Friendly Atheist blog of speaker Hemant Mehta:

Edwin Kagen, of the American Atheists and founder of Camp Quest donning his magical robes.

Alter boys and girls prepare the body (triscuits with honey and peanut butter) and blood (root beer).

A Cleveland Freethinker member is overcome by the blow dryer of Truth and Reason.
(The Cleveland Freethinkers have a great write up of this event.)